Walking Wounded

Well, I’ve been without my computer for two months now. I didn’t mention in my post about getting rid of the computer, but I committed to 90 days without it. I now have just under a month left and felt like commenting on the experience.

Surprisingly, it hasn’t been all that hard. I didn’t really miss anything I did on it. Granted, there were some things that made this easier. My roommates have computers and I was able to use them. However my roommates are also almost always on them, so I would only get on for maybe 15 minutes every few days or so. And that was pretty much just to check email and the weather. The main thing that made it easier was having a computer at work. This has allowed me keep blogging and still read up on music and video game news.

Even with all that though, it was quite a sacrifice. I’ve been without my best friend for two months! Oddly enough though, it’s made me feel a lot less lonely. That would probably be because a computer can’t really be your friend (should have been obvious before huh?). I can’t go into all the details, but many areas of my life have improved. I’ve been more active, more engaging, dealing with life and its situations and would say I have vastly improved the quality of my life. Ironic that people buy computers to improve the quality of their life and end up doing the opposite.

Now I’m looking towards getting my computer back. Honestly I would be fine without really ever getting it back if it weren’t for a couple things. The main and biggest one is the fact that I am dying to start recording music again. The second reason is we’re coming up on the best season to sell things on eBay and I’m still dying to sell off the rest of my video game collection.

Other than those two things I don’t think I really have any other reason I want my computer back. There is a huge part of me that just doesn’t want it back at all because I’m scared of falling right back into my old routine (yuck). I’ll definitely have to show some discipline when it comes back. I’m planning on avoiding using it altogether unless it’s something necessary. No more “I just want to check out”, no more “I’m bored and need something to do”, and no more letting a computer be my best friend.

Dog used to be mans best friend but now it’s the computer. It’s a little creepy to think about but it seems more and more true. I’ve realized recently that my computer had become my best friend. I got my computer right before I went to college. Though it seems weird, it totally makes sense. I think this applies to many men and probably woman too (I can’t speak for them).

I can tell you how my computer became my best friend. Probably the biggest reason is it has been the only consistent thing in my life for the past 6 years. It never blames me for anything. It never has a problem I can’t fix in one way or another. It will be there and never judge. I can be tired, rude, cranky, happy, whatever and it will treat me just the same.

My computer provided so many forms of distractions for me such as watching TV shows, movies, listening to music, browsing the web, playing games, writing, and communicating to name just a few.

I came to the realization that I fill every free moment with something and 90% of that is from my computer. I watch TV on my computer while I go to bed till I fall asleep, and then while I eat breakfast until I head to work. If I clean my room, I’ll put on a movie or music to distract me enough that my mind doesn’t wander into thinking about other things, like life. If I’m tired or bored I’ll browse the web.

I quit taking the time to write music or read a book or just sit and relax without any distractions for a while. Why would I bother? I have the best friend I’ve ever had right there to fill all my needs.

For these reasons, and many others, I have decided to remove my computer from my life. I unhooked my computer, put away all the accessories and monitors, tore down the desk and put it in the garage, and took the computer and left it at Johnny’s.

This may sound like a small thing but it was huge for me. During this process there was lots of freaking out about what I’d do when I needed to deal with feeling like crap. But at the same time I kept realizing more and more how much I used my computer to medicate myself. Enough is enough.

The computer has been gone since Saturday (8 days ago). What’s the experience been? So far it has been great and trying at the same time. I’ve had to actually deal with my thoughts and anxieties finally. Stuff hits me and I think about my computer and it’s gone so I’m left with nothing but dealing with whatever it is. The good part is I’m finally dealing with stuff and my anxiety has decreased over time because I’m not fending it off all of the time.

So what do you run to, to hide? Most everybody has something. I imagine the computer is a pretty common one. Take it out of your life, even for a week, and I bet you’ll notice some things you weren’t dealing with. It’s hard, but worth it.

I love kids. One of my favorite things about kids (the younger the better usually) is I feel at ease around them. I don’t worry about what children think of me. Not that I don’t want them to like me. I definitely do. But I don’t worry about it with them. I can play with a child and just have fun. I don’t worry how they’ll talk about me later or what they might hold against me.

This comes in handy during tense situations. In fact, I believe it may be the only way some families make it through Christmas. Say certain people in your family (or someone else’s family) are exhausting you, playing with a child is quite a breath of fresh air in those situations. I’ve been in many situations where I wouldn’t have made it through a day with my sanity if it hadn’t been for a wee little one.

It helps that kids seem to like me too. There a few that cry every time they see me (some of you know who I’m referring ). But even in those situations they completely lift my spirits. Often times parents seem to think it’s a burden for me to hold their child for a little bit, or watch, or play with them. However I jump at the opportunity to spend time with kids anytime I can (watch me get a bunch of babysitting requests now, lol. Though I don’t think I’d mind). Well, now I’m rambling, but I just wanted to say I think kids are great and wanted to voice my appreciation of them. I’m excited to see my niece Mollie and nephew Mark (see picture) tomorrow!

Video no longer available – I think it was copywrited and had to be taken down.

I watched part of this video on Google today which you can view Here. It’s an hour and half long and I got about 20 minutes into it. What is it? It’s kind of a way of thinking, a religion maybe? Very odd and I’m wondering where this thing came from. I can sum it up for you. The basic gist is that your thoughts cause things to attract to you. Say, you are constantly worrying about a car accident. Then that will happen to you because your thoughts are attracting that event. If you focus on being rich, you will be rich because your thoughts will be.

It seems to me there is a psychological reason that this can kind of be true. I don’t think it’s magical though. It’s like the saying; if you put your mind to something you can do it. The video takes this basic idea(s) and makes a big thing out them. I found a lot of the video ridiculous but still really interesting to watch. I wish I knew more about philosophy and other religions to comment on how this video relates to them. I’m curious to hear what others think. Either way, the video is interesting enough to watch the first 15 minutes or so. I may watch the whole thing eventually but it’s getting repetitive.

Update

Ok, so I had this thing playing in the background while I was working, so I only listened to it. From 20 minutes in, until about the 1 hour and 10 minutes mark, it was all personal examples and a lot of reiterating of the same idea. Now, the last 20 minutes of the video is where it gets crazy and weird. They start talking about their description of energy and how it’s the same as people’s description of God. How this view of life coincides with so many views of philosophy. They comment on the problems with religion. Most unique thing I heard was that we are born because we had such a desire to exist that we were created into this world. So ya, if your interested but don’t want to see the whole thing, just watch the beginning and end only.

Well, I want to eat ice cream all day and not gain weight, so I’m going to go start focusing on that so it’ll happen.